People are often surprised when I suggest that the person they are already living with could be their soul mate, that maybe they have already found them. Most people think that a romantic soul mate relationship will be perfect, a harmonious blending of two souls without friction. But in reality, this is rarely the case.

Many relationships are karmic. We meet individuals in this life with whom we have shared previous lives, both good and bad. One of the ways we learn to grow as a soul is through friction. The person who rubs you up the wrong way is helping you feel the fragility of your ego, but they can also help you uncover the depth and beauty of the soul underneath. The person who never makes waves, who never disturbs your ego, may not help you grow at all. Many young people dream of meeting ‘the one’ and having a fairy tale marriage. This expectation makes it even harder to accept the inevitable conflicts and challenges that come up in a karmic relationship.

I have been married for over forty years, and I know very well that marriage is not easy, and that if you are in a karmic relationship with your soul mate your ego will be constantly challenged. I met my husband when I began a formal spiritual path. This shared interest in spirituality, and shared experience of this path gave us a good foundation. At heart we were interested in the same thing. But we had many other different interests, and our personalities were very, very different. However both of us had an understanding of past lives and karma, we both knew that if we did not resolve our relationship issues in this life, we would just have to do it in the next.

We are not limited to only one soul mate, and as well as partners our soul mates can also be our children, relatives and close friends. The perspective of our guides in spirit can be very helpful in understanding family dynamics, because the guides can see the tangled web of karmic relationships that has built up over lifetimes. If we are willing, they can help us to untangle some of this, and build a clearer future.

Input from guides in spirit can also be invaluable, especially when a couple has reached an impasse, when there seems to be no way forward. Even in cases where both parties decide the best course is to split up, the guides can help with this step, enabling both parties to evaluate the relationship and what they have learned from it, without rancour.

If you have had an acrimonious divorce or painful break up, and you are adamant that you do not want to meet up with your former partner in your next life, the only way to ensure this doesn’t happen is to resolve unfinished business between you, cut ties, and move on. But it is often hard to do this, to recognise that forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook, but that it’s about freeing yourself and your future. If you are not able to forgive and forget in this life, you may have to revisit the same issues in the next life, probably with the same person.

Recognising Soul Mates

If someone is a soul mate of yours, you will feel that you know them even though you may have only just met. They will have certain tendencies that you recognise, and they may see certain tendencies in you. These may be negative or positive qualities that they or you have carried over from a previous incarnation. This may delight or irritate both of you. You will know that there is more to them than meets the eye, and this is because you know each other on a soul level. Even though you may not see them regularly, it is not a superficial relationship.

If you want to meet a soul mate who could potentially be a life partner, you can ask for help from spirit to achieve this. Tell both your spirit guides and your guardian angel that you feel ready for such a meeting. Over several days, pay attention to your own request, and repeat it several times. Then see who comes into your life.

If such a meeting has been pre planned in spirit, then such a person will cross your path. Just be aware that they may not be what you expect! They may be older or younger than you, they may not fit the appearance you expect, and they may be from a different nationality and culture. You will recognise them through a feeling of familiarity, a sense of knowing them, even though you have just met. Your heart and soul will recognise them, if you allow this to happen.

If nobody shows up, maybe this is not the right time. It is also possible that in this lifetime a romantic soul mate is helping you from spirit, and will not incarnate. This does not necessarily mean you will not have romantic relationships with other people. It may mean that you are receiving support and love from a source you cannot see. This soul mate in spirit may be guiding you and influencing you, and helping you to heal.

There are several reasons why soul mates may not incarnate at the same time. You may have decided in spirit that one of you needed to discover their independence, and make progress in this life without relying on their romantic soul mate by their side in physical form. It may be that you both have a history of addiction through lifetimes together, and your master guides thought that having one of you clean and lucid in spirit could help the other one in incarnation to have a different experience of life on earth. It may be that you were so wrapped up in each other while in incarnation together, that you neglected other important relationships or creative endeavours. For this reason you may have decided to support each other from a distance this time round.

So if your romantic soul mate does not show up in your life, it does not mean that they don’t exist. They may be helping you from spirit more than you realise. And there may be other people, lesser soul mates if you like, whom you are meant to notice and relate to this time round. There may also be important projects, or creative work, that you are supposed to do in this lifetime, on your own.

Our relationships are how we learn the hardest lessons. Our spirt guides can help us understand our relationships better, to see further, with an expanded perspective. Because karmic lessons are often difficult, we need all the help we can get. So, let your guides help you understand more and love more, so that you can expand your capacity to love and forgive both yourself and others in this lifetime.

Author

Caroline McCutcheon is a writer, healer and medium who lived for fifteen years in a small village in the Algarve.  Four years ago she moved with her husband to the Alto-Alentejo. To read more about her, and her work go to: www.carolinemcc.com

Caroline McCutcheon