I think this has been the hardest article I have ever tried to write. I started one draft, abandoned it, and started another before I could get my emotions together, and felt the final result might help someone else in a similar position.

We had the terrible shock of losing our much-loved rescue dog Paddy recently, and it was like a vein of happiness had been severed within the house, as we stopped talking about him, and stepped around where his bed had been, almost too hurt to acknowledge his absence.

Our minds kept being drawn to the terrible day we lost him, but we are learning to refocus on the good days – when we laughed at his ability to understand the fun of a game of hide and seek around the garden, or his chin on the table watching for food.

I looked up on the internet to find ways of coping, and it’s all there. One reason why losing a pet is such a deep loss is because animals' love is so unconditional and accepting. But it's also because so many aspects of people's lives are impacted, and the loss of a dog, in particular, is so painful because owners aren't just losing the pet – it’s possibly the loss of a primary companion who provides security and comfort, and maybe even a protégé that's been mentored like a child.

Self-compassion

If you have experienced a loss, it’s OK to let yourself feel all those feelings you are experiencing and to cry too. Try to practice self-compassion, and consider talking with someone who can relate. Understand that crying for your pet is natural. It's normal, and though painful, it's part of the grieving process that's necessary for you to heal. Most people who have bonded with a pet know the comfort and joy animals provide, and when we lose a pet, part of us feels like it's dying.

Remove items at your own pace – I admit it took me three days to remove his bed and have a last sniff of his (smelly) blankets before chucking them in the washing machine, it was the final admission that he wasn’t coming back.

I read one way was to have their ashes made into something - say a bracelet - to memorialise your pet, but I didn’t fancy that.

The one thing that did help me though, was writing it all down, as a letter to the missing dog. Yes, it was sad to write, and I cried some more, but feel like I can handle his passing better, to the point of maybe, just maybe, considering getting another dog – not to replace him, but to fill the hole in our lives left behind.

The remaining dog we have left has lost her playmate, lost her backup guard, lost her yoghurt-pot-sharing-licker, and I think she is torn between wondering where he is, and delight, as she finally gets all our attention! Dogs don't necessarily know that another dog in their life has died, but they do know that they are missing. I wonder if she thinks that if you go out in the car, you don’t come back - but I don’t think she is that intelligent!

Limited understanding

Pets have a limited understanding of death as finality. It's tough, but possible, to let your pet see the body of his deceased friend. He may not totally grasp the situation, but one last visit may help him understand that his pal is gone. I couldn’t even face seeing him with his spirit gone myself - I just wanted to remember him bounding about, creeping up on our bed when he got the heebie-jeebies, and having our legs trapped under his weight if we were unlucky.

We will survive this, as we have survived the loss of other dogs in the past. Every time, I groan and say: ‘no more pets – they steal your hearts then they leave’, until we find another dog that needs rescuing from a bad situation or is homeless – we just can’t help taking them in, and lavishing some much-needed left-over love on them.

Author

Marilyn writes regularly for The Portugal News, and has lived in the Algarve for some years. A dog-lover, she has lived in Ireland, UK, Bermuda and the Isle of Man. 

Marilyn Sheridan