Is choosing happiness as a top goal too selfish? Would you feel comfortable telling people that your most important goal in life is to be happy? Or would you feel a little embarrassed or guilty?

They say that pleasure is produced by lower brain centres responsible for getting our basic needs met - such as hunger, thirst, touch, and biological sex, and all can contribute to happiness. However, they say that making pleasure the highest goal in life could lead to personality characteristics such as addiction, thrill-seeking, and even selfishness. Many psychologists believe that making pleasure our ultimate concern is an underlying cause of a criminal or antisocial personality. Pleasure does not care about other people's needs.

Well, I think they might be wrong about the last point. In my humble opinion, nothing gives you more pleasure than doing something for someone else. The art of gifting is more about the giving than the receiving – giving presents and seeing the receiver’s delight at getting it gave you as much pleasure as they were getting.

Let me tell you a little story

Late last year we helped a friend move house – it was an overwhelming task for him, so we helped him move the best bits and found homes for the rest.

Now, he is aware that The Husband isn’t doing so well health-wise, and The Husband happened to mention he was hankering for a certain beef-flavoured drink he remembered from years ago. After much searching, the friend found a jar, and his delight at seeing The Husband’s face was almost as good as the gift itself.

Random Act of Kindness

Doing something for someone else for no reward is like paying forward. ‘A Random Act of Kindness’ could certainly come back to you, but not necessarily from the person you were kind to in the first place.

It could mean that being kind to others or strangers can make their day. Maybe you don’t know what they are going through – that old guy begging on the street corner has perhaps, through no fault of his own, just fallen on hard times and needs a helping hand, so be kind and buy him a coffee and a pastel de nata or slip him a few euros - it won’t make much difference to you but might mean the world to him, and you will get some pleasure out of it.

I saw quite an old lady in the street the other day that had the look of just coming out from the hairdresser, hair a perfect colour, cut and shape. She was minding her own business, but looked sad – probably a face like mine that looks miserable when nobody is looking! But I told her the hair looked great, and the way her face changed was the difference between the sun and a rainy day, she just lit up, and it made me feel good. Nothing wrong with that, is there?

Be Nice

Being nice doesn't take that much. You could compliment somebody by saying: ‘I like your shirt’ or ‘fabulous nails’ – simple, effective, and costs nothing. Smile at strangers, buy a pack of biscuits for, I don’t know – maybe your vet, or doctor’s receptionist, or a thank you card to your local fire station. Buy a random dog or cat food for your local pet shelter, and bundle up that pile of old towels for them while you are at it. Doing good may help you to have a more positive outlook about your own circumstances, and helps us keep things in perspective. We may complain about something like a blister on a toe for instance, but think about the guy with no foot – I am sure he would be more than happy to suffer just a blister than go what he has gone through.

Aesop, the fabled writer, said that ‘no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.’ The Americans even have a special day – ‘National Do Something Nice Day’ – on October 5th, but it shouldn’t be confined to one day a year should it - just being nice every day would be more appropriate!

Author

Marilyn writes regularly for The Portugal News, and has lived in the Algarve for some years. A dog-lover, she has lived in Ireland, UK, Bermuda and the Isle of Man. 

Marilyn Sheridan